Elżbieta Potrykus
I’d never imagined that I could leave Poland one day and become an emigrant. Yet, similarly to many citizens of the communist Poland, I’d dreamt of visiting exotic countries, and not only trips to USSR and East Germany or even Bulgaria…
And yet, life full of surprises decided otherwise for me. In 1987, with the so-called “one-way-passport, that is passport valid for entering all countries of the world but allowing its holder to cross the Polish border only once”, I left Poland and at the age of 46 I became an emigrant, a political refugee, to be exact. This status was given to me by the Security Service of the communist Poland. For them I was, after the events of August 1980, the co-creator of the Solidarity Labour Union on the plant and regional level, as well as the member of the Solidarity National Coordinating Commission, I was just number 188 to be exposed. After introducing martial law in Poland on 13th December 1981, as an activist of underground opposition I became persona non grata. As the “enemy of the system and a threat for the allies made by the Polish People’s Republic” in April 1987, I left the country together with my 11-year old son and I went to the US.
I’d stayed in emigration for over 20 years and when my son became independent and decided to stay in the US, in 2008 I came back to Poland for good. For all those years in emigration I’d always felt that I’m a part of Poland and I missed it a lot. I came back to Poland which was so very different than the country I’d left. To free, beautiful and colourful Poland… It’s no longer an enslaved country, grey and sad where all necessities can be bought only if one had ration coupons, with small Fiats 126p driving on its narrow streets. And still, there is something missing here… Maybe human kindness that I’d remembered from the beginnings of the Solidarity movement, maybe this lightness and people smiling to you in the streets. I got used to that when I was abroad…
Diana Lenart
I was born in Gdańsk. I’m an optimist/catastrophist. Until I was seven I was living with my grandparents in Gdynia. I left Gdynia for Baghdad, where I spent three years, on and off. After graduating from university I decided to go to London, where I stayed for more than a year.
After that I set off for Barcelona, where I was to stay only for a while but I spent there another 15 years of my life.
For a year I’ve been back in Gdynia, where I help to create the “Open House Gdynia” architecture festival, a local edition of the international “Open House Worldwide” festival. During the festival we open spaces and private flats that are usually inaccessible to the public. This way we want to make the residents of Gdynia get to know each other a little better and become closer to one another.
Diana Lenart: Why did you emigrate? Why did you leave?
Elżbieta Potrykus: I left because I didn’t have much of a choice, I would say, not only today but it has this universal character. I was a refugee and I just had to leave. I got a one-way-passport as an activist, a former Solidarity activist, and afterwards underground activist. Due to martial law I had to make this tragic decision. Making this decision was very hard for me because I’d still hoped that maybe something will change, maybe we can make it, somehow, and even that my life can change and I won’t leave. But life became harder and harder, I wasn’t working for over two years. My son was growing up and, thus, he was slowly becoming a threat. He started saying things like an adult, which was dangerous for him and for me. I’ve recalled a conversation I had with Ms Sadowska, Grzegorz Przemyk’s mother. I met her at the funeral of father Popiełuszko and I told her: “I have this residential visa to the US that I’m still extending its validity period but I still think that maybe the situation will change because things are starting to get back to normal, they released the eleven people, those most dangerous prisoners and they all came back from internment. However, I still am… I have no work, I’m being detained, searched.” Then Barbara told me: “Listen, disregard everything. Disregard that you won’t leave today.” And I say, because I got used to it, that I won’t leave today, that somebody will take care of my child, there are certain institutions for that purpose, etc. “But when they mention your child, do not disregard that because I did and I don’t have a child anymore. But know when they say something about your child, they are thinking about it, planning something. You have no right to disregard that.” After some time, during an interrogation they told me that I can leave, I can change my political views, I can stay quiet because if I don’t they will take everything from me. And I said: “What do you mean, exactly? You have taken my job from me, you have quenched the sense of security in me.” “You still have a son. You have a child.” Then I asked them, because I was pugnacious back then, I asked them: “Are you threatening me?” He said, smiling: “No, I’m not. I’m just saying that, you know, children at that age, your child is very mercurial, and something might happen to him. He might get run over by a car. He might fall of the roof.” Then I thought to myself: “Aha, Barbara, this is the moment to decide. I came home, I started packing my suitcase, I had bought the ticket because I had a residential visa to the US and I just left.
Diana Lenart: Did you do it because you were afraid for your son.
Elżbieta Potrykus: Yes, I was afraid for my son.
Diana Lenart: Your son didn’t came back with you.
Elżbieta Potrykus: No, he didn’t. That was the reason why I was postponing my departure because he would say: “Mum, maybe not now. We’ll see, we’ll take a closer look at it, we’ll check everything. Go, see it for yourself and I’ll do the same here”. And so I postponed the final decision. But at the time when he knew he won’t be going back, he told me: “Mum, I understand that for you Poland is the same as America for me”. He came to me and said that. “I don’t have any regrets and I understand you. I’ve just understood why you’ve said all the time that you want to go back to Poland, that you are coming back. Although I’m here, although we have been here for such a long time. Despite that in Poland you don’t have a flat and you won’t have a job. You want to go there when you will be retired. What kind of future is that, anyway?”.
Diana Lenart: But you were determined.
Elżbieta Potrykus: I made my decision. I’d made my decision before and when he told me that he won’t be going back there was no reason to postpone everything anymore.
Diana Lenart: You came back to Poland, you came back to Gdynia. How did you feel? Were you lonely? Did you miss your son, the US?
Elżbieta Potrykus: At first, it was hectic with finishing the flat, with colours, how to paint it, what kind of curtains, where to hang them, etc. Apart from that I had to find out where to buy different things because when I left we used to buy everything that was in shops, we exchanged things, made people favours, etc.… And now it was different. I go out to buy a washing machine. I know that I want a washing machine with a dryer. It turns out that there are stores like Castorama, AGD Europa or something but I go to Gdańsk, people drive me, I drive there, I couldn’t… The streets have changed. It was a full-time job. I… the nights were short but I had meetings with some people, I had to get the carpet, then I arranged a meeting with my classmates. I invited them to a house warming party and all of this kept me going. The adrenaline was working. But when it all died down, when I thought that everyone who wanted to see me came and then they all had their errands to run, their homes, their families and I have nothing to do, except for vacuuming. I have my family that I visit from time to time but how often can one go to eat some broth at one’s sister? She cooks really good broth. I started missing my son and I thought what I’d done. And maybe I should have stayed longer? Maybe if I was older I would be just sitting there and I wouldn’t like to do anything anymore? And maybe I left too soon? Or maybe too late? I should have come here earlier, I could continue my work here. And there are moments that I get up, look out of the balcony or a window, I see the forest and I say to myself: “What I should do with such a wonderful day?”.
Elżbieta Potrykus: People get used to different situations. They say that once you get used to it, you can do anything and you don’t mind. Maybe, but I realize that I even don’t miss my son so much anymore. It’s… it’s becoming numb. It hurts less. I think that I’ll watch him, I’ll talk to him in my mind or via Skype, but it’s not the same… At first, I missed him terribly. As I’ve said, my life was this constant longing. When I left for the US, I missed Poland. Anyway, Ms Kazia, the one from pierogi that I mentioned, she really wanted me not to go. She said: “Miss Elżbieta, what will you be doing there? You will be all alone there. You’ll see, it’s not the same Poland anymore. Those are not the same people anymore. I wanted to go back myself some time ago, but I’ll tell you one thing. It is how it is. When you are in Poland, you are missing America, and when you are in America, you are missing Poland. You’ll be missing something to the rest of your life.” And I think she was right, it is how it is.
Diana Lenart: I’ve always had very liberal views. I’ve always been against the municipal, boring life, being a housewife. I left my home on purpose because I’d had already one in Barcelona and I wanted to improve.
Elżbieta Potrykus: Do you mean home or house?
Diana Lenart: House, I guess, I don’t really know if there actually is such a thing as home. When we speak of home, family home, that is….
Elżbieta Potrykus: Homely atmosphere, family traditions, family, etc. I believe there is such a thing.
Diana Lenart: I believe it too, but it exists only in our mind, heart. I recall Christmas we celebrated outside Poland and that was the most beautiful Christmas ever because there was this real longing for family, for home. We organized it in poor conditions, I didn’t even had 12 dishes I only ordered some sushi. But while eating that sushi and listening to Polish Christmas songs online I was crying my eyes out and then I felt was nostalgia really was, the longing.
Elżbieta Potrykus: Did you miss your home.
Diana Lenart: Yes, but creating conditions to longing, because we can achieve the most beautiful states of mind and spirit creating conditions to do so, with proper premises. If you spent your Christmas the same every year and even if you feel really good about it, surrounded by family, maybe you can cease to appreciate that very family and your situation.
Elżbieta Potrykus: So you inflicted suffering on yourself to feel more deeply?
Diana Lenart: Yes, I did. Because I am a collector of deep feelings. This is how you can call me.
Diana Lenart: And I left with all these dreams and with my image of London, I cut my hair short, I bought new shoes and I was a totally different person, totally changed. I decided to start my life as a new person.
Elżbieta Potrykus: Were you a bit annoyed by the previous Diana? Maybe you didn’t like her and you had to change when you were leaving?
Diana Lenart: It’s a very good question. It’s a question about the gist of my moving around. My life in Poland seemed not fulfilled enough, not exotic enough, not special enough. I just wanted to have a unique, poetic life.
Elżbieta Potrykus: The beginning of this uniqueness was cutting your hair and buying an orange suitcase.
Diana Lenart: Yes.
Elżbieta Potrykus: So, you get to London with your orange suitcase and your short hair. You get to London, and then what?
Diana Lenart: I get to London. I’m in a totally different world. I don’t know who I am anymore. With my first step, back then, in the foreign land, I lose my identity. I have to recreate myself anew. This is my intention during the flight. Walking around this great big city is difficult for me. I was afraid. I was afraid to… there were even days, weeks and I locked myself in this room and I was afraid to go out. I was afraid to go out, I was afraid of life, the world, I was in a funk. Of this London, this great city that can devour me. I felt very lost, very lost. Despite the fact that was what I really wanted to do and I wanted to be there but whole London frightened me.
Elżbieta Potrykus: Did you thought: “I think I’ll go home, where it’s safe. I’ll go back to the country I know?”. Did you have those thoughts?
Diana Lenart: Yes, I did but I knew that it would be a failure. I felt that if I came back it would mean failure, giving up. I didn’t want, I really didn’t want to go back. Besides I knew that if I can manage my life will be wonderful and it will change. And it did.
Elżbieta Potrykus: How long did it take?
Diana Lenart: I decided not to stay in London. London was unfriendly for me. I didn’t feel good there. My friends invited me to Barcelona and I decided to go there on holiday as a tourist and, in a way, I ran. After that I will be running my entire life. I will leave houses with everyone inside and I will be running with this one orange suitcase from one place to the other.
Elżbieta Potrykus: Do you still have this orange suitcase? Or is it just a symbolic suitcase in your life?
Diana Lenart: At some point I started to drag more items behind me. I started collecting them so I had to buy a red suitcase, even bigger than the orange one, with stickers from all over the world, from various trips. I travelled a lot with this suitcase. The first one, orange, was stolen. I had these thoughts that there are many thefts in Barcelona and I was frightened by that fact. They broke into my flat twice and they stole this orange suitcase. I treated it as a symbol, a sign that I should move out. But not for a while. And so I travelled with my red suitcase, only with my red suitcase. It got broken. It got broken at the same time when I decided to leave Barcelona so I took it with me. It had a handle… but the handle fell off so I had to carry it but… it’s still with me, I’ll never get rid of it. This suitcase is in my parents’ family home. It’s there as a decorative item, they put something on it.
Elżbieta Potrykus: An artistic item.
Diana Lenart: Yes, an artistic item, decoration of my maiden room.
Elżbieta Potrykus: Is this red suitcase a some kind of remorse for you, saying: “pack up, shall we go somewhere?” or has it its calming effect on you?
Diana Lenart: You’re getting it. Well, yes, this suitcase, when I look at it, it reminds me where I was and where I could still go. It reminds me of the fact that it once used to be my home, my wardrobe and once, curled up, I even slept in it. It was a table, a footrest, it was my home as a nomad who carries this suitcase with them.
Elżbieta Potrykus: Do you think that your departure, your emigration, has changed you as a person?
Diana Lenart: Yes, I’m sure of that. It definitely has. I know my worth now. I definitely know that I am… that I can be brave, I can risk it all, that we really don’t know how much strength, wisdom and courage we have in us. To be honest, when we are in the same place for the whole time, never leaving the comfort zone, we won’t find out about it.
Elżbieta Potrykus: If you could choose today: only Gdynia or only going somewhere, never to return to Gdynia anymore, what would you choose?
Diana Lenart: I would choose Gdynia.
Elżbieta Potrykus: Why?
Diana Lenart: Because I wouldn’t want to lose Gdynia. If… This question is very coarse. I don’t know what must have happened so that I would never return here.
Elżbieta Potrykus: What you mean is that Gdynia is your city. It’s your place, your life. What is that you really love so much in Gdynia?
Diana Lenart: The thing about Gdynia that I love the most is that it’s mine, it’s a part of me, and I am a part of my Gdynia. I feel at home here. I’ve left here so much, I have something to get back to. It’s getting more and more beautiful, more friendly. It’s really important. The breakwater is really wonderful. I love everything about Gdynia. It’s getting more and more beautiful. Either I’m crazy or it’s the truth.
Elżbieta Potrykus: You just believe that your return to Gdynia was just… at a time when you really needed to go back to Gdynia, to be here and maybe leave but still come back to Gdynia.
Diana Lenart: I have a mission here, in Gdynia so I came here to give back to Gdynia what it had given me. It sounds pompous but that’s the truth. To give back to Gdynia, to do something for Gdynia because Gdynia has given me so much. Gdynia created me.
Elżbieta Potrykus: And now you will be the one creating Gdynia, I see.
Diana Lenart: Yes, I would love to. I’m really happy about it.
Magda Świerczyńska-Dolot: Good evening, it’s Magda Świerczyńska-Dolot speaking. You are listening to the second series of Zapiski emigranta (Emigrant’s Notes), a program about people who spent several or dozen or so years in emigration. This program is not only about departures but also about coming back to Poland. What are their reasons? Today we’ll meet Elżbieta Potrykus, a Solidarity activist, retired teacher and lawyer who had spent twenty-one years abroad.
[doorbell]
Elżbieta Potrykus: Yes, come in, third floor.
Magda Świerczyńska-Dolot: OK, thank you very much. Miss Elżbieta lives in Gdynia, in a sunny flat overlooking the bay. As she says, she couldn’t imagine living somewhere else. She has always had sea in her heart because she was raised in Dębogórze. I pay her a visit on a sunny afternoon.
Elżbieta Potrykus: Do you want brewed or instant coffee?
Magda Świerczyńska-Dolot: Brewed, please. I had two cups of instant coffee already, it’s…
Elżbieta Potrykus: Because we're having it with milk, right?
Magda Świerczyńska-Dolot: Yes, yes, yes.
Elżbieta Potrykus: And tomorrow… I’ve collected some bottles here… Tomorrow I’m beginning to put my Cherry Bounce into bottles.
Magda Świerczyńska-Dolot: Miss Elżbieta has an adult son who is the most important person in the world for her. It’s hard not to notice the photo sitting on a shelf in the living room.
Elżbieta Potrykus: This is my son. This is Wojtek. This is how we looked like when we were leaving. And this is Wojtek now. His dog died so he doesn’t have his dog anymore. Anyway, his photo was made several years ago.
Magda Świerczyńska-Dolot: How old is he?
Elżbieta Potrykus: He’s 39 now.
Magda Świerczyńska-Dolot: Elżbieta Potrykus, after graduating from University in Poznań, moved to Koszalin where she worked. As she says, she’s always been disobedient. She participated in student strikes, not accepting the reality in Poland. In 1980, she joined the Solidarity Labour Union. She was a co-founder of the committee in Koszalin. She edited articles in “Grudzień ’81 Gazeta Wojenna” (December 1981, War Newspaper). She also wrote protest letters to the attorney’s office, the Sejm and general Jaruzelski. Moreover, she distributed leaflets and underground publications in the region. As you might suspect, she was unwelcomed by the authorities.
Elżbieta Potrykus: When the martial law was introduced I didn’t become an internee so the Security Service dug out some dirt on me… That I have an illegitimate child, that his father is an important person in the party, that I tried to illegally get a flat with the help of the former chairman of the municipal council and I’d never know that man and I don’t know who he is, and that I was distributing leaflets, etc. I only started in 1987, in 6th year of martial law. So I was… I was detained, searched, my car was damaged, I couldn’t find Wojtek. Once they took me from my flat and Wojtek was there but when I came back he was gone. Nobody knew where he was because my friend came and she was taken too, so at my mother’s flat… So when Wojtek had problems at school because he’d said too much or when the head teacher who was… because at the time all people in managerial positions were replaced by commissars and the head teacher of the music school who was a real musician was replaced by a member of the party, with connections. So Wojtek also had problems because of the head teacher. I don’t know whether it was her own initiative or she was told to get information… He came home and he said: “Mum, I won’t go to school anymore because the head teacher told me to get out again. Actually, she didn’t tell me that, I just left on my own and then I just…” So I said: “What happened?”. “Because she said that Solidarity is made of terrorists and that they are villains and that… So I said that my mum nor her friends are no villains nor terrorists. You are lying”. I really was afraid and I started to say to Wojtek: “Wojtek, don’t say that…”. “But mum, this is our country.” And when I was told: “You are rough and tough but when we take everything from you…” I replied: “What can you take from me? You took my job from me, you took my profession from me, you want to take away my flat”. “You have a son. The kid is very mercurial and lively and something might happen… He might be run over by a car, he might fell from the roof”. At that moment I was really afraid of them.
Magda Świerczyńska-Dolot: Then you made the decision about leaving and the refugee camp helped you, right?
Elżbieta Potrykus: I only know that on the last day I was at home but I couldn’t wait until morning. I took the last bus from Gdynia because me and my mother, we cried. And Wojtek was falling asleep so I woke him up: “Wojtek, we’re going today. We’re going now. We’ll sleep in Gdynia”. Before 11 p.m. leaves the last bus from Dębogórze and I quickly gather… My mum just put on this…this beret and ran after me but I was on the bus already, I just did something like this. She cried and I said to her: “Mum, don’t cry. I’ll be back here soon. Just hold on”. Unfortunately, she is no longer… She died in almost a year. In the morning… My sister found out that I will be leaving in the morning because I didn’t want any farewells. In Koszalin they waved me goodbye with flowers at the railway station and all so I didn’t want anybody to say goodbye to me here. I don’t want any railway stations, any goodbyes, any farewells. But I came in the morning so… I stayed with my friend in Kapitańska and my friend got up early, we squeezed into his small Fiat and he took us to the station. On the platform there was my sister in such a poor violet coat. She wanted to go to Warsaw with me but I said: “No, I don’t want any goodbyes, not in Warsaw not in here. You know that I’ll come back, just hold on”. And I remember when we got on the train I looked out of the window and my sister slouched, she was walking straight and I said to myself: “Marysia, turn around because I won’t see you again”. But she didn’t. She just walked with her back straight. In her poor coat and she died three months after my mother. At the time I didn’t want to go back to Poland anymore. Back then I knew, it was too much, I couldn’t handle that. I didn’t say that I won’t go back one day but when I had no mother and no sister… She was one year older than me. We were really close. I thought to myself: “You actually killed my mother and my sister”. I don’t want to see that ever again. I wrote a letter to my sister that… after my sister’s death. You know, I have another sister. So I wrote that I have nothing to go back to because my country has changed and there is nobody left there. My mum is gone and Marysia is gone. Then my niece wrote me a letter saying: “Aunt, don’t ever write like that”. I have another sister and the niece is not Marysia’s daughter but the younger sister’s daughter. “Because when mum got this letter and she read it she started crying and said: So she thinks I’m not her sister anymore? Only Marysia was her sister? How she could say that she has no reason to go back, that nobody is waiting for her? We are waiting for her”.
Magda Świerczyńska-Dolot: Your first destination was Frankfurt.
Elżbieta Potrykus: When I got on the plane I thought I’m just going to lose it, only Wojtek, for the whole time… I was just shaking and he says: “Mum, stop, stop. Everybody is looking. Stop, you’re shaking”. And I say: “No way, I’m just cold”. I didn’t have any… But when we flew to… We were in Frankfurt, somebody was to pick us up but we encountered some obstacles. It turned out that by coincidence they thought that one day before a single mother with her son Wojtek and a daughter also came. So they thought that there must have been a mistake at the embassy because there couldn’t be a single mum with her son Wojtek going to the US the next day. It must have been… So nobody met us. Oh, my, it’s almost in every house in the US, it is hanging on the porch. [A telephone rings, Miss Elżbieta answers].
Magda Świerczyńska-Dolot: Your next destination, after Frankfurt, was New York.
Elżbieta Potrykus: I can’t really say what I actually do remember. And afterwards it became normal and I started to think how I can go back. But at the beginning, mostly the moment of the clash with a totally different world. Anyway, when we were leaving we used to say: “I wonder what kind of flats or houses we will be given. It is said that some people get houses”. Of course, it wasn’t true. Nor that we will get jobs right from the start. I don’t know what kind of job I wanted to do, I didn’t know the language but I’d never thought about that. When we were accommodated on the first day in this old building, in an old flat in the attic, really dark. When I left I had a very nice, modern flat. But here the floor was cracking, we had some old rugs and no wardrobe where we could hang our things. We have some smokehouse nearby because it turns out that there is a walk-in-closet, some dark recess with a stick for… And I say: “Some smokehouse”. And Wojtek replies: “You didn’t give in to the communists and some fool… you’ll be crying because of some stupid smokehouse?”. I started to laugh hysterically and he was laughing too. For a while we were just roaring with laughter, with this hysterical laughter.
Magda Świerczyńska-Dolot: With the aid of the refugee centre Elżbieta Potrykus got to Syracuse, New York, with her son.
Elżbieta Potrykus: When you leave the country where you were someone important, you had friends in high places and you become a totally anonymous person, an anonymous person who only communicates by using their hands, gestures and some poor English… I remember when one day Wojtek said, and he was better in English than I was, he said: “You know what, mum. You’d better keep quiet and I’ll handle that because they will think that were idiots from the very start”. I started to go to church, to English masses because I thought that I will hear there some expressions that I already know, like “Our Father” or “Holy Mary”. I tried to translate it into Polish and remember some sequences. And it helped me. It took me quite a long time because when one is almost 50 learning a new language… when I was younger I hadn’t had so much difficulties. Afterwards I even attended Community College where nothing… It wasn’t for me. I could be teaching there but how to express that, how to say that?
Magda Świerczyńska-Dolot: Time was passing by. With each day it became easier and easier. Finally, it was time to visit Poland for the first time.
Elżbieta Potrykus: When we could go, first Wojtek went with my friend. It was in 1992, no I visited in 1992, he came in 1990. He came back and he said: “Mum, there is nothing there, you can’t buy anything there”.
Magda Świerczyńska-Dolot: In Poland.
Elżbieta Potrykus: Yes, yes. Besides, everyone still… I say: “Listen, it might change. We have this mess now”. I heard… people said there were robberies, thefts, that there are break-ins... And I had no work and no flat. They said: “Now, listen, you have to buy your own flat now”. And I replied: “How…?”. “Well, you know…”. You could… because if you hadn’t given the old one… I had to give my flat before I left, before I was allowed to leave. The last day… I told them that I needed my flat to the very last moment, I had to live somewhere. They told me: “No, no, when we give you your passport, you already have to…”. So I took care of that with the housing association, that I obliged and I already had a person who will take the flat… Anyway, I left all my fixtures and fittings behind…including window curtains, curtains, rugs, carpets, everything. A friend visited me. She could leave already and she wanted to earn some money to renovate her flat. And she said: “Listen, Elżbieta I… We would really like, but if I’m being honest and I really wish you well, think it over once more”. At the time Wojtek was finishing primary school and was going to high school. He was distinguished and even got to the Newark Academy with senators’ recommendation, etc. I go to the meeting, parents’ meeting… And Wojtek says: “Mum, I don’t want to go back yet”. And I left. It was 1992, everything cost millions. I took some photos, a backpack “All for the school” title, 200 million and I couldn’t make anything of it. And I said to myself: “No, not yet. Besides I have no flat.” Back then I submitted writs, I mean the Attorney Office and the District Chamber of Legal Advisers submitted writs to allow me to pursue my profession. It took a lot of time due to various procedures but finally I got a reply saying: “Unfortunately, it’s not possible.” There were no provisions that allowed me to undergo the procedure again. Thus, when I visited Poland the second time, I started to wonder, and it was 1997. Afterwards my brother died and I realized that I have no flat in Poland, I have no work, my family is… I’ll stay here as long as Wojtek needs me. This is the end, in an empty room, on 18th April 1987 because all furniture had already been removed, only some pictures were left, some table and Wojtek with his guitar because he wanted to take this guitar with him. We couldn’t so he had to buy one in the US. I mean I bought him a guitar. This is… almost empty flat, no furniture and the last photo in Koszalin, then we left. It was Christmas…Easter because I see here we are making Easter basket for blessing. We left on Holy Saturday. We got… we came to Gdynia. We spent here about a week and we left to the airport because it was on 30th. And here, what date is it? It’s 18th, I seem that was his last birthday in Poland, 18th April. So it was… And here, when he visited Poland. His father, another one with his father, when Wojtek visited Poland with me, 1992. This is the first visit. I mean the first for me and the second for him.
Magda Świerczyńska-Dolot: Miss Elżbieta’s son didn’t want to go back to Poland. He went to University, new possibilities opened up. She started looking for a job so that she could buy a flat in Gdynia and come back.
Elżbieta Potrykus: I didn’t want to get involved in anything, I didn’t look for any job so that I wouldn’t even dream of wanting to stay here or that I could stay here.
Magda Świerczyńska-Dolot: Why were you fighting against that?
Elżbieta Potrykus: I just didn’t want to. I wanted to go back to Poland. I wanted to go back to Poland. The more that I didn’t have any family left. After some time Wojtek had some friends and he felt at home there. And I still didn’t have people I could socialize with and there were no possibilities, on the other hand, I fought against it. I was suspended, totally suspended. And I only counted the days. I even don’t know why. I counted the days to my another trip to Poland. Again my friend visited me because I invited her and she told me that she had bought a flat for her son in Gdańsk. So I asked her about formalities with the purchase, etc. I suggested that maybe I could try here… But how? She said: “For the money you have right now, you would have to wait long”. I worked as a companion with a woman who had been a singer in the Boston Opera, and I don’t regret that period. Back then she was an elderly lady and her family needed a companion for her. So there I was. I was driving her. She had this leather Cadillac, so I… with the leather upholstery. So at first I didn’t want to but she said: “Listen, I can’t…” and I said: “Firstly, it’s your car and this is…”. I learnt to drive it.
Magda Świerczyńska-Dolot: And so Miss Elżbieta overcame her weaknesses. In 2008, she made her final decision. Her son settled, he wanted to stay in the US. She managed to save enough money to start her life anew, living off her old age pension in Poland.
Is this plum marmalade?
Elżbieta Potrykus: Yes, it is. I have to heat it up two more times and maybe I should add some sugar too because it’s getting sweeter on its own, so one more… and then, it will be just like… but I need a bit more time. And when I came here and my friend, many of my friends’ children live abroad, in the US, in San Diego, I mean the friend who visited me later. When she arranged his flat for me because I wanted a flat, she said: “Listen, you have to be here. There are many frauds, people pay money to some fly-by-night company, developers who get lost, I won’t do it”. And then she contacted me and said: “Listen, I bought, me and my husband bought a flat for our son in this eco association and I know it’s a reliable company. They are erecting new buildings. I heard there will be two more buildings. If you want, I can…”. I said: “Yes, do that, arrange everything”. And she arranged this flat for me. Anyway, I thought it will all be different. I thought that my friends will be visiting me, I will be going to cafes with them not knowing that cafes and restaurants got really expensive here. I can get by having little money in the US than here.
Magda Świerczyńska-Dolot: Despite that fact Miss Elżbieta couldn’t imagine anything else but returning to her homeland.
Elżbieta Potrykus: Well, you have this… I guess it is created in emigration because I remember when I went to visit my aunt in Canada she asked me whether I’ll go to Poland. I said: “When I can because it’s not the time yet”. And it was a bit, like one and a half year longer. I guess this is it. She said, when she came back, because she had left, got married, it was called a “distant marriage”. I was a child and I said: “My aunt had a distant marriage”. I didn’t know what “distant” meant. It was just a word. She had the help of the embassy and she left for Canada and then she came back after three years or so. She said that she’d missed Poland all the time. She missed it a lot. And she missed Lubawa and said to herself: “I miss the park in Lubawa and I’d missed it so much when I remembered this rock on our border. I used to sit there when I was a girl and read books”. And she said: “You know, you should have gone back to Poland to return here with no regrets”. I heard the same things, that I should have come back sooner and then maybe go back and stay. But I didn’t want to. I asked her: “What’s the point?” She replied: “When I went there and I was looking for this rock, in my imagination, in my longing, this rock grew and became a symbol, like a torn pine tree or something. I realized that there is no rock anymore. We finally found it, it was a plain small rock, and in my imagination it grew so much… Those weeping willows, those spruce trees and that rock. Then I went to Lubawa and I was looking for this park. It comprised three small benches comparing to the parks in Toronto or Midland. Was I an idiot? What was I missing so much?” But me, I… For me all those holiday celebrations, decorating Christmas tree, going to bless the Easter basket. When I watched the pictures I missed it so much and I wanted to go back. To go back to those springs, weeping willows, Christmas songs and all of that. But mostly, to my friends. To my true friends with whom… I really… Now I was even using Skype. “Get over here. Why do you stay there, girl, if you miss it…?”. Actually, I felt as if I was bark scratched from the tree that fell into a river and got carried away. I suppose I fought all the time against going back. And then it all started to heal, the resin, and it didn’t hurt anymore and it wasn’t so rough, coarse, it became tubular. But then it became so tedious and it started to lose its importance and I wanted to go back but I couldn’t glue it all together, in the same spot. But still it fitted that tree. This is how it looks, glued together, like a pot, like something… but it’s in its place now. There are no lilacs back there, no lilacs. I’ve just realized that. And I knew that… There are beautiful flowers but there are no lilacs. There were no lilacs in Boston, no lilacs in New… No, there weren’t any and I didn’t see any swallows as well. Storks… I missed storks. Exactly. I missed storks and swallows.
Magda Świerczyńska-Dolot: You’ve just listened to the second episode of “Emigrant’s Note” series, a program about departures and returns to Poland. Our interlocutor was Miss Elżbieta Potrykus, a former Solidarity activist, retired teacher and lawyer who spent 21 years in emigration. The program is created with the support of the Emigration Museum in Gdynia within the framework of the “Ask about Poland” project. The program was produced by Stefan Kotiuk and prepared by Magda Świerczyńska-Dolot. Good night.
